Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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