Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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