Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's great music for shaving your balls
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
