brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
