He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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