im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
