At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
