how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
