It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
