and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
