i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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