you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
