I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
