I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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