then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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