girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
