it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
