you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
FUCK WHALES
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize