we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
