You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
