I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
