they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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