shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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