paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
