dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
