I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
