have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
so let's talk penis.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
