She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
