So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
