youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
