I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
