Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize