if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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