okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
