We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
