I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
