Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
