I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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