i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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