I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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