remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
