He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
