omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
