Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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