that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
