i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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