He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
