I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
