What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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