I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
