I'm so fucking centered right now
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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