I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
