when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize