She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
