your parents love me but you hate me
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
