I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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