Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
