its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just had sex bonerless
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
