First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
