I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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