You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
