my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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