His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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