Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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