I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I love you. Go after that dick
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
