Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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