if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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