if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
